Feel free to dismiss everything I say here as just the mad ramblings of a man in the middle of a meltdown. If you want a quick explanation, you can always just say "Dwiz is a neurotic spaz who's impossible to be friends with." It wouldn't be untrue. But I'm the one who has to live with these feelings, so I'm going to do my best to explain them.
First off, I know that I am well-liked by many. Lots of people have reached out with kind words. To assure me that I'm valued. I appreciate all of you, and I know that you've all been left without any answers about what's going on in my head right now. But I can reassure you all that I have never had any doubts about this particular fact. As you can see from the length of this post, I have a lot of anxieties about my place in the RPG world, but "I'm not popular enough" has never really been one of them. I know that many would envy my place in this little community. I've always tried not to take that for granted, and I apologize if what follows sounds ungrateful. But I do want to be honest about my feelings, even if that means I make an ass out of myself. So I cautiously submit to you this: sometimes it's not about being disliked, so much as it is being liked in the wrong way. Or perhaps, for the wrong reasons.
Additionally, I am going to name-check a few folks in this post. I do not intend it as a callout. In fact, I will proudly proclaim myself a fan of everyone who comes up in this post. Several of them I consider to be friends, who I respect enormously and who I know wouldn't intend me any ill will.
Alright, here goes. This is going to be very personal and ugly and stupid.
